journal from chicago

wed:11am

i decided to journal my trip because it has started off so terrible. you know, sometimes you go to these things and they are supposed to be magical, but so far, it has been far from that.
i got my car last night ready to experience the city of Chicago with anticipation, excitement, knowing it was going to crash on me. but a good crash, like a great wave at the beach. it hits you and you feel great, exhilarated, pummeled. this crash however, ended up in frustration, as if the whitewash was holding me under for too long.
i am realizing i am out of practice for writing. that wasn’t a great metaphor

i get into giordonos at 9:55 (they close at ten), and they tell me they can’t seat me; but i can order take-out. so i go to the take out window, and they are out of pizza. GIORDONOS! all they have is pizza. many other little frustrations happened like getting extremely lost, finally ending up at a pub that had no pizza, getting lost again, feeling really tired from everything, and then getting lost again. all things that aren’t a big deal, but sometimes the non-big-deal-things hit me the most.
i finally get to my hotel room and pull an idiotic move, i stay up late watching a movie on tv. by this point i am so out of conference mode. and i paid for it in the morning.
my alarm didn’t go off and because i had stayed up late, i way overslept, and missed the part of the conference i had anticipated the most: david crowder band.
i feel alone,
i feel sad,
i know i am being very self-focused, but hey, that’s how i feel
the next session is starting….

wed:1pm

this is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
this is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
and earth and heav’n be one.
“This is my Father’s World”

4 You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
6 I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
7 “Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah

10 Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
14 You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
15 You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
“Psalm 77”

“If God had favourites, i think His favourtie would be King David, because he was genuine, and his art was genuine.” -Bono
“You have to live in the contradiction, in the duality of the lament and the praise” -Bono
“Where tragedy and comedy collide: the gospel lives” -Erwin Mcmanus
“This is all that i can say right now” David Crowder

You never let go, God. thank you.
i am sitting by a fountain at willow creek church. and God is good. i am not jumping. but God is good.

wed:5pm

finally giordano’s pizza. it’s like biting into happiness

wed:7pm

well, i missed crowder in the morning, but he’s about to play at their wednesday night service. so excitement ensues. they’ve got their fender Rhodes out, as all should. and a pantload of pedals on each side of the stage. and the banjo of course
and here they are…


thurs:130pm

well…crowder was pretty awesome, but donald miller was better: he gave a picture of life as story. and told some awesome stories along the way.
it was one of those messages that i don’t really remember what he said, but i know i want my life to be defined by something more.
am i living a great story? not a Hollywood worthy story, but a great story: a life that develops themes of morality and justice.; a life that grows in its desire for God; a life that matters for eternity.
my story is very flawed
but am i trying, am i growing, is my sanctification developing, is my passion deepening

today are the breakout sessions
and my next one is starting…

thurs:6pm

wow. great session
“engaging the heart: building a great picture of God”
everything i wish i could say to myself everyday and to everyone on the worship team.
leading worship on sunday is about connecting with God and connecting other people with God. everything must be intentionally funneling to this. everything.

so, obviously a lot has changed since my first journal entry. God has been working in me. honestly, it’s been lonely: i have talked to one human being since being here and she was a Canadian. nothing against Canada, i like Canada, and Canadians, just not ice-hockey.
but God has been showing me how to deepen my relationship with Him and deepen my ministry at the church. God is good.
and i am at giordano’s again.
hooray.


fri:4pm

Solomon was wrong.
why do we believe Solomon when he says, “there is nothing new under the sun?”
we don’t believe him when he says, “everything is meaningless.” or when he says that there is nothing worth pursuing other than eating, drinking, and being merry.
it is always interesting when you believe something to be right about the world and in 10 minutes someone can change your mind. Erwin McManus did that today
there have always been wars, there has always been loneliness, there has always been a desire for love. some things are cyclical,
but the truly great inventions, and great thoughts of the world have been busting out of the cycle.
Kind David was a cycle buster
Joshua and Caleb were cycle busters
Jeremiah was a cycle buster
Jesus was a cycle buster

“some men are born great, some attain greatness, and other have greatness thrust upon them” Shakespeare

i don’t have to try hard upon hard to be great.
i just have to be willing for God to thrust any sort of greatness upon me. and he already has: he has given me himself, the supremely artistic creator of all things
hooray

why is ginger ale so much better on an airplane